"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!" We all grew up hearing that little line. And, we've all probably said it more times than we care to admit. I want to be completely transparent with you here. I've been beaten with sticks! As kids, my brother and I loved anything that involved beating one another. We had sword fights with sticks, bats, 2x4s, metal pipes...really anything that we could beat each other with! We loved dirt clod wars and would stand in the yard for hours hurling pine cones, dirt clods, or the occasional rock that was mistaken for a dirt clod. Ok, honestly, we knew the rocks weren't dirt clods, but we threw them anyway. And we would just stand there and let those stones hit us because we were boys and boys were tough! Bruises were like badges of honor. So, I've been beaten with sticks and stoned with stones and shot with bb guns and burned and shocked and run over with a bike, go cart and skateboard! Why? Just because! But, here's something I know to be true (and you do as well)...I have had words spoken to me or about me that have hurt me much worse than any of those sticks, stones or other things I mentioned! I've had words hurled at me that felt like boulders to my spirit. I've been crushed by the magnitude of things said by other people. And, I would guess that you have had those things happen too!
A few years ago I went through a particularly rough stretch in ministry. There were things said to me and about me during that time that made getting up and going to work every day a completely miserable experience. In fact, there were many times that I would have rather taken a stoning than sit in that office. Our whole church was going through a tough time and a lot of people were hurting. Honestly, our youth ministry was suffering right along with the rest of the church. In all that pain, it seemed that a few were singling me out to accept the brunt of their anxieties and hard feelings. These were pointing at me because of the perceived cracks they saw in our student ministry. I remember sitting down with one set of parents who, outright, said, "How can you stay at (church name withheld to protect the innocent) knowing that EVERYONE here hates you?!" It was actually a good question because it was one that I had been asking myself! I gave them the same answer that God had given me every time that I begged Him to let me do anything (seriously) other than stay at the church. That answer was, "Well, first of all, I know that EVERYONE doesn't hate me...there are some who support what God has called me here to do. And, secondly, God called me to this church and I won't leave until God calls me away...I will not forsake God's call regardless of what it costs me." That's at least 2 years in the past, but I can tell you that I remember that conversation as if it were yesterday because those words stung worse than any stick or stone I've ever been hit with! To hear someone verbalize that I was hated (that's a strong word) was pretty difficult for even me to handle (remember, last week I told you I'm not really all that emotional)!
I've had people, over the years, who have tried to have me fired because they disagree with me ideologically or philosophically or because we gauge success in different ways. And though I know that, for them, it may not be a personal attack; for me, it's always personal because what I do is not just a job to me...it's who I am as a man of God. I remember every encounter, every deacon's meeting, every time someone said, "guess what I heard that so-and-so said." Why? Because words affect us way more than sticks and stones. And, by the way, another saying we like to use is hogwash as well. It goes something like, "I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!" Other people's words DO stick to us...and they follow us...for life! Why? Because words matter!
So, your words are important and my words are important because they carry so much potential for either encouragement or pain! In fact, the Bible actually says that words have the power of "life and death". Hey, and whether we admit it or not, we know it's true? How many people have committed suicide because of someone else's words. When I was in tenth grade, one of my good friends put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger after a fight with his mom. Talk about a devastated mother...she could never take back those last words of anger that she spoke to him! How many people live lives of depression, anxiety, and self-doubt because of other people's words? I believe that many of the adults who struggle with depression do so because they're still trying to deal with words that were said to them during their childhood and youth! In their attempts to challenge children, parents and other adults often cross the line and end up using language that damages a child's developing personality and psyche for the rest of their lives! I'm guilty of this, myself! On the other hand, how many people have been catapulted to greatness because they had people whispering words of encouragement into their ears. "You can do it!" "You've got this!" "No matter what happens, I'm behind you." "I believe in you!" "I believe you're the best even if no one else does!" They had people who believed in them and supported them and spoke words of affirmation to them. And, because of that, they went on to do amazing things. You see, words matter!
For the past month my wife and I have been working on a room at our church that parents of children with special needs can use if their child is having a bad day. We'll have the service streaming in there for them to watch and some toys for the kids. It's a special ministry to us because we have a child with special needs. And, you better believe that every word is important when it comes to Colby. Every word on his IEP is important to us. Every word on his psyche tests and IQ tests and assessments are important to us because they describe our son! We haven't even shared some of the things we've been told about Colby because we know how those words will affect the people who hear them. We know how those words will affect their expectations of Colby and what they think he's capable of. So, this room is important to us because it symbolizes an area of ministry that most churches turn a blind eye to and one that we need for ourselves. And, we've spent an agonizing amount of time trying to figure out what to call this room because we know that WORDS MATTER!!!!
Now, our words matter for other people because of the weight they carry, but they also matter for you and me as well. Our words, perhaps more than any other indicator, reveal some things about us as people. First of all, they indicate what kind of person you are! Our oldest son has come home a few times talking about how peers have used hurtful language towards him. You know what? I don't have to meet these kids to even know what kind of people they are! Simply by the things they've said to my son, I can know they're jerks. You know this is true, because you've had similar experiences. We'll call this the law of language. This law would state that the type of language used by a person is directly indicative of the type of person he/she is. And, guess what...this law applies to you and me as well. Our words indicate the type of person we are. So, if your words are gossipy, you're a gossip! If your words are untrue, you're a liar. If your are slanderous, you're a slanderer! Got it? Good, lets move on.
Our words don't just reveal who we are now, they also shape who we will be in the future. The law of language isn't just indicative of our present, it is, also, an impetus to our future! Our words create a path that our lives tend to follow. This path could be seen as the consequence of our words, but I believe it's more that our life is like a garden and our words are seeds. Things we say to others today will take root in their lives or in our own lives and will grow. Sometimes these things will blossom into wonderful plants with beautiful fruit (these require seeds of encouragement and praise). Other times they become bitter weeds or choking vines that threaten to destroy the garden altogether (these are sown with seeds of discouragement and hate). I've heard it said that your words will always come back to you in some way. I believe that is true. The things you say today will shape your tomorrow!
That brings us to one heavy conclusion. If words are that powerful, I probably can't be trusted with them. Imagine the President of the USA calling me up and saying, "Hey, Wayne, we've decided to give you the launch codes to our nuclear arsenal. It's completely at your disposal." NOT A GOOD IDEA! I've had people say hurtful things to me, it's probably best I don't have access to missiles...right? Because those weapons are so powerful, they are under strict control. Here's a news flash...our words need to be under strict control as well! That's where the Holy Spirit comes in. I've got to give Him control over my words. That means I relinquish the talk button to Him. I speak when He says speak and I shut up when He says shut up! When I speak, I do so in a way that brings Him glory. I encourage and exhort. I praise and practice self control. Why? Because that's what Jesus would do. Notice that, throughout scripture, you never catch Jesus making off handed remarks or saying things intentionally hurtful. He never gossips or lies. He is truthful. He is gracious. He is kind. He is always completely honest, but in a way that draws others in rather than pushes them away. Jesus was the greatest user of words in all of history. Maybe that's because, according to Scripture, He is THE Word become flesh (different topic for a different day). Whatever the reason, He is our model.
So, how are your words? What do they say about you? Are you stoning people with your words or stirring people with your words? Does your mouth just run off uncontrollably or do you give control of it over to Jesus? What kinds of seeds are you sowing with the things you say to other people? Hey, words matter!!! And the truth is that you don't like being stoned any more than I do!
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