v1.0 2014

I just did something completely random, simply because it's the New Year and I feel empowered.  I read my last blog post and didn't really like it.  As I read it, I found myself taking issue with one part.  Namely, Zach does enjoy hiking...to an extent.  Was the rest of the blog true?  Yes.  Was it worth sharing?  Yes, I think so.  Did it reflect most of my thoughts on the subject?  Pretty much, yes.  Was it well thought out and well written?  Ummmm, no...so it had to go!

So there are a couple of issues with blogging.  1 - it is possible to get in a hurry and write poorly.  2 - it is possible to try to save space and write poorly.  

There are also a couple of good points.  1 - I own the blog.  2 - There's a delete button!

So...if you read my blog BEFORE I deleted the last post, congratulations, you're in the elite members group.  If you didn't, you may never know what you missed...unless, of course, I take some time to revamp it and try again.

Btw, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  This would be my official first post of 2014.  And, since it's undoing something I did in 2013, I guess it truly fits the purpose and meaning of the day.

Enjoy your do-overs, people!

Turnabout is FairPlay...or so they say!

The older I get...and the older my kids get...the more I start to think that this whole parenthood thing is about more than just raising a bunch of younguns up to be hardworking, contributing members of society.  There are times that I think the whole process is supposed to be fun...other times when I'm sure it's some form of punishment...but, more often than not, I get the distinct idea that God is trying to tell me something through it all.

Perfect example to follow:  Colby is Twin A.  Colby is also a little delayed.  Quite honestly, I've asked God many times what qualified me...one of the most impatient, merciless and demanding people I know of...to receive the blessing of a special needs child.  Now before any of you think I'm being sarcastic here, I truly do see Colby as a blessing from God.  AND I truly do wonder, at times, how I ranked up there as anyone God thought would be good at raising such a wonderful child.  In case you're wondering, special needs children do not come with instruction manuals.  And while there are general operating procedures that apply across the board when parenting children with delays, because each is an INDIVIDUAL PERSON each involves unique process - with an extremely high learning curve.  So...all of this to say that it's very interesting to me that God assigned someone (me) who prides himself on his ability to persevere and overcome and dominate any situation, task or objective with a situation, task and objective which he feels wholly inept, under equipped, and incapable of dominating!  Did I mention that parenting could be God trying to tell me something.

Ok...so all of the above is somewhat extraneous information to get us to the point where you understand that when it comes to Colby...way more than with my other two kiddos...I tend to stay in "what do I do now" mode instead of "I got this" mode.  I'm pretty sure that God is up to something in that area, some kind of lesson...or whole course...that He's trying to school me in.  So, here goes lesson of the week.  Colby has a beautifully endearing flaw...he apologizes for everything!  

I say it's beautiful because of two things:  1 - Colby is beautiful!  He gets his handsomeness from his dad and he uses it well!  Colby is such a cute kid that people are willing to overlook every other flaw he may have.  2 - Colby longs for and cultivates (well, I might add) meaningful relationships!  I realize that Colby wants, more than anything, for us to be happy with him.  He is sweet and loving and desires a relationship with everyone he meets. He never meets a stranger.  Another area that is so weird to me because I barely talk to my friends!  Yet, I have a child who delights in striking up conversations with complete strangers.  (A topic for another post)

Now, as beautifully endearing as Colby is...at the same time, Colby is incessantly impulsive.  He wants what he wants when he wants it.  This means that he ends up doing things all the time for which he gets into trouble.  ALL THE TIME!!!!  Of course, my high expectations of him mean that I, immediately, come down on him for the wrongs.  Colby-man doesn't get much wiggle room...b/c if he did he could do some major damage...like blow up the world damage!  This leads us to his beautiful flaw...anytime Colby gets in trouble, he immediately says, "I sorry...you forgive me?"  It sounds cute, but when the whole gallon of milk is lying on the floor...or when he's wet his pants for the 150th time because he was too busy to go to the bathroom...or when he's decided to play with his Nintendo DS or remote control car in the bathtub...trust me, it's not!  Does he mean it?  On the surface, definitely!  He doesn't want anyone to be upset with him so he apologizes.  However, does he mean it to the point that he's willing to change his future behavior?  That part I'm not sure of.  In fact, I'm not sure if he's even capable of connecting those dots right now.  So....we get a lot of apologies from Colby, but not much change in the area of behavior!

Here's where the lesson hits home for me.  Most of the things he asks me to forgive him for are things he's done over and over and over and over and over again!  Things I've fussed and fussed and fussed and fussed and punished and punished and punished him for.  Yet, he continues to do them.  THIS IS SUCH A FRUSTRATING PROCESS!  But as frustrating as it is, you know what?  Everytime he says, "I sorry...you forgive me", guess what I do...I forgive him!  Are there consequences?  Yes.  But do I forgive?  Yes!  Why?  Because I love the little boogar!  And I know that he has issues he's struggling with!

Now I don't know if you're good at drawing parallels or not so I'll trace this out for you.  Colby is just like me...and you!  I do the very same thing with God!  It seems like I do the same ole wrong things over and over and over again.  And, when I feel convicted (i.e., the Holy Spirit fusses at me) I immediately say, "I sorry, God...you forgive me?"  THIS HAS TO BE SUCH A FRUSTRATING PROCESS FOR GOD!  But as frustrating as it is, you know what?  Everytime I say, "I sorry...you forgive me", guess what He does...He forgives me!  Are there consequences?  Yes.  But does He forgive?  Yes!  Why?  Because He loves this ole boogar!  And He knows that I have issues I'm struggling with!

Sometimes I get a little irritated that Colby has trouble "getting it"...then I'm reminded (by that still small voice) that I don't "get it" either!  What's worse is that, if I'm honest, I must admit that most of the time I don't even want to "get it".  And, for that, I must also say, "I sorry, God...you forgive me?"  

So, yeah, this whole parenting thing...could be that God is trying to tell me, and you, a little something through it all.  My Colby has special needs, but guess what...SO DO I AND SO DO YOU!  Man, do I seriously need to get a clue!  

Let's try this again...

It has been said that writing is very cathartic. Since I don't really get the idea behind journaling as the author is the only one who will ever read what's been written...that seems like a complete waste of time if you ask me...instead, I like to write my contemplations and consternations down for everyone to enjoy.  Perhaps they will lead one to think to themselves, about themselves or, even, for themselves. If any of the above be true, I would count my writings and rantings as successful. First and foremost, know that I'm a believer in Jesus Christ. This will affect my worldview and color my take on things. If you don't like my take or the color that's ok, but save your breath on disagreeing or trying to change me. I've had 38 years...or so...to think about this stuff. I guess you could say I'm set in my ways and, somewhat, close-minded. Enjoy what you can stand and ignore what you can't. I make no apologies for the things I write as they are, primarily, my opinions.  And, since, we live in the era of tolerance and "live and let live", I intend to fully exercise my privileges.  Fun little side note...before all you Christians get excited over such statements, let me point out that I'll take as much issue with Americanized Christianity as I will anything else.  That's right...I've got some pent up thoughts, emotions, passionate pleas and heartfelt angsts that I intend to deal with in this blog. Let the fun begin!

Apologies are in order...then again maybe not

Back in June I decided, under the inspiration of a good friend of mine, to start blogging.  What a great way to share the plethora of thoughts that seem to rummage through my head!  Of course, I would be utterly remiss to share every thought that wafts through the atmosphere of my mind...to do that would surely bring utter ruin to my reputation as well as the well being of more than one person.  The very fact that some of  my thoughts remain in their principle state is a testament to the power of the Holy Spirit.  It has been said, "Well, if you think it, you might as well do it..."  I am a perfect example of the untruth of that statement for I can assure you that some of the things that find themselves wandering through the zoo of my mind are not lambs of thoughts, but lions.  These things are better left unrecognized.  In fact, one of the proofs of a healthy relationship with God is that one doesn't "act" upon every thought, desire, idea, and product of emotion.  So, if I may return from chasing the stray out of the yard of my thought I will tell you that I am sorry that it has been so long since my last post.

Now, to the original bullseye of my arrow of contemplation.  Last night, in youth Bible study, we played a game that pitted one of our students against everyone else in the room.  Standing in the center of the room, blindfolded, she had to pick out corners of the room that contained people.  She had to listen closely and focus with all of her faculties...save the one of sight, of course...and I guess that of taste as well.  Anyway, the task was pretty simple to begin with as every noise in the room came from someone actively involved in the game.  As our center lady called out corners, however, the people in those corners were ejected from the game...making the game progressively more difficult for our center lady.  As those who were out returned to their seats, they didn't stop making noise...and, so, here was our center lady, trying to seperate the noise of all those around her from the noise of those she was searching for.  I must confess, here, that I had not taken into account the method by which the "ambient" noise would affect the virtual outcome of the game.  In essence, there came a point where she could no longer make out the corner that her prey had taken refuge in.  You may be asking, "What's the point?"  Well, here it is in a nutshell...many of us find ourselves on a daily basis trying to "find" God.  In many ways we feel disconnected from Him and desire to feel His presence more powerfully in our lives so we set out each morning with a commitment to "listen" for Him...to "look" for Him or to "find" Him somewhere among the clutter that fills our day.  What we hardly ever take into account is that there is much "ambient" noise in our day, in our culture, in our homes in our world.  It is next to impossible to discern the whisperings of God among the shouts of the crowd.  So we eventually give up the search, resigning ourselves to the notion that really knowing God and hearing from Him is something that only a few super spiritual people have mastered the craft of...however, that will never be us.

If I may, however, I would like to interject a new car into this strange train of thought.  Perhaps the issue is not that it is impossible to know God or His will or, even, to hear His voice.  Perhaps, the real issue is our belief that we should be able to do this among the butter and clutter of the world.  If I had really wanted my Center Lady to be successful in her winning of the game, I wouldn't have just demanded that everyone in the room, other than those still playing, be quiet...NO, instead, I would have removed everyone from the room who wasn't playing so that they could not POSSIBLY offer a distraction.  And here is the crux of our problem when it comes to hearing from God...we try to quiet the things in our lives that compete for our attention rather than rid our lives of them altogether!  Or, at the very least, maybe there are times when we should take our leave of those "ambient" noises in some temporary way.  In Psalm 46:10, God makes this very point clearly when He says, "Be still, and know that I am God..."  In Jeremiah 29:13 He promises, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Another way this could be phrased, "You will seek me and find me when you give me all of your attention!" 

So, are you searching the haystack of competing voices in the world for the needle of God's voice only to find that you can't make it out?  What needs to be removed from the room of your life because it is creating "ambient" noise that is so loud it makes it impossible to hear God?  What needs to happen for you to be able to "be still" and "seek" after God with all your attention?  Then, make that happen...

Just a few thoughts (appropriate ones, mind you) from a dusty traveler!

Why a Blog?

So I've been told by some that if I could keep my mouth shut and just write, I'd be a whole lot better off.  Only problem with that is that I don't really like to write!  It requires much more intense concentration than my increasingly attentionaly deficit brain can muster.  I don't know if it's the abuse of video games over the years or living in a text message, microwave world, but the thought of sitting even for a few moments to write my thoughts down actually is a chore.

That being said, there are quite a few things that rattle around in my head throughout the day that I think may be a benefit to have outside of my head.  For some of you reading this, it will be a benefit for you to be able to see my thoughts...maybe b/c you don't have any of your own or b/c you've been trying to figure out what makes me tick (good luck there...I'm not even sure).  For me, I've heard it said by various psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, etc. that journaling one's thoughts is a cathartic experience...one that helps said person to organize his/her thinking, encapsulate meaning and even chart a future plan or prognosis (just noticed that I almost always list in three's...see this is working already). 

So, having said all of this, let me now say that the purpose of my blog is three-fold.  1 - I want to challenge myself.  2 - I want to challenge my readers. 3 - I want to challenge the social structures, political mindsets and cultural norms of the day through examination, application and illustration of what I believe to be the only lens through which life can really be understood...The Holy Scriptures of God!

Ok, enough ranting for now.  Two of my favorite youth just walked in to my office.  They are feeding my she-wolf!